Europa-Park 2012 - heat, cocktails and hot Portuguese ASS

This has been a very long time coming. I attempted to try and write a trip to Europa-Park as soon as I returned home back in August, but I just didn't motivate myself to get it done quickly enough. I've now changed it to be a more general review of the park and resort as opposed to a straight trip report of "I did A then B, before getting a drink at C, watching a show at D, having lunch at E...", which I felt could get a bit boring after a while, especially given the length, so you may want to get a large mug of tea/coffee, or a large glass of your favourite beverage if you don't drink either.

Introduction

Over the years, I’ve been to several theme parks in the UK and abroad, but have become increasingly dissatisfied with the offerings here in the UK. I’m not sure why this is, in all honesty, but I think it could be due to a lack of world-class attractions for a number of years at the major parks. During 2011, I was becoming a more regular poster on TTF. Having been a member since 2007, I had heard a bit about Europa-Park, but not much. That was until I read Sam’s review and TR of 2011’s Beach Party. At that moment, I decided that I needed to go. However, I knew that it would probably be quite some time until I went, and if someone had told me that I would be going the following year, I would’ve probably laughed at them. So imagine my surprise when, in December of 2011, I received information about a trip that was being planned for the following August. I was genuinely surprised, and after managing to convince my parents to allow me to go, I was frankly thrilled. It was to be a trip of numerous firsts for me:

• My first visit to Europa-Park
• The first time I'd ever stayed on resort at a theme park
• My first time staying in a four-star hotel - never mind the superior tag!
• My first time on the Eurostar and also the TGV
• My first visit to Germany
• My first holiday abroad with no parents or teachers
• My first holiday as an adult
• My first holiday abroad in over three years

Pre-EP

Emirates Air Line and the Olympic Park

The Emirates Air Line cable car across the Thames in the Docklands was only a couple of months old when Crofty and I went on it. The cabins were relatively comfortable and felt open. I was, overall, pretty impressed with it, but as it was getting dark, the views weren’t excellent. However, I felt that the £3.20 single fare on an Oyster card was justified by what we got. If I get the chance to go on it when I’m next in London, I’ll try to, provided the weather’s decent and it’s a lot lighter.

We also visited the Olympic Park up in Stratford. Well, when I say visited, we got some photos from the outside, as there was no way of getting into it from Westfield, which was disappointing.

Travel from London to Ringsheim

As I’ve already mentioned, I’d never been on the Eurostar or TGV before, and found it all to be a very pleasurable way to travel. Yes, I did have music from the Opening Ceremony playing in my ears for pretty much the whole journey from London to Strasbourg (minus a stopover in Lille for an hour while we waited for the TGV), but it was very good. Smooth, quiet, civilised – why can’t train travel in the UK be more like that on the continent? Travel on the Eurostar produced a moment which I can’t describe very easily. The train had left the Channel Tunnel and was powering through northern France when Caliban’s Dream came on. Most of you will probably recall this track as the one being played when the torch entered the stadium and the cauldron was lit on that amazing night back in July. As I was staring out of the window, I just got this amazing sensation that Sam would probably describe as ‘cerebral’. The exterior of Strasbourg station is brilliant.

Strasbourg to Ringsheim was done on two local trains, changing at Offenburg, and was pretty straightforward. Then there was the short bus ride from Ringsheim station to the park itself. Luggage was deposited in Bell Rock, and we eventually got into the park.

EP - The rides

Silver Star

Crofty let me choose which coaster would be my first at EP. As we’d sorted our Annual Passes out in the France area, I had the choice of Silver Star or EuroSat. I chose Silver Star. And you know what? I’m glad I did.

The queue moved relatively quickly thanks to EP’s high throughputs. The tallest coaster I’d ever been on at the time at 73m, and my first hypercoaster. As for my thoughts on it – well, let me put it to you this way. When I got off it, I was genuinely speechless for a good few minutes afterwards. No other coaster before or since has done that to me. It’s just, well, perfect. Loads of airtime, massive, aesthetically pleasing (especially at night) – I cannot fault it in any way, shape or form.

Euro-Mir

It’s a very good coaster, although it’s a bit rough in places, and the best thing about it is raving on the lift hill to the frankly epic music.

It’s just a shame that you can’t hear the music the whole way around the track – it could do with on-ride audio. I do have a bit of a feeling that some of the roughness could have been attributed to the heat, though feel free to correct me if that isn’t the case. Also, above the queue line, there is what I believe to be one of the training capsules for the Mir space station.

Pegasus

Pegasus? I like it. For a coaster aimed at younger guests, it definitely packs a punch, and I feel that Towers should look at installing a Mack Youngstar similar to it, ideally as a replacement for Beastie, but also going onto the site of the ice tent if possible. Plus the music on the lift hill is brilliant.

Poseidon

Poseidon’s one of two water coasters at EP. I’d never been on one before, and I found Poseidon to be reasonable, although a bit rough in places, and there was a bit too much ‘coaster’ for my liking. (Picture is of station building)

Not enough time spent in the water, but then again, water coasters do seem to have a layout that consists of more track than water, so I shouldn’t have been too surprised.

EuroSat

EuroSat wasn’t too bad. In terms of layout, it was quite good, but I found it to be rather rough. The throughputs were, once again, excellent – train entering the station, unloading, loading, restraint checks and leaving the station again within as little as 15 seconds. It was stated a couple of times during the trip that if EuroSat’s cattle-pen queue at the front of the giant golf ball isn’t moving, then there’s something wrong.

Another point to note was that it got very hot and stuffy in the dome at times, earning it the nickname ‘EuroSweat’. The brakes at the end are very sudden and fierce, so cue shouts of ‘Brace’ just before actually hitting them.

Blue Fire

So…Blue Fire. I’d never been on a launched coaster with inversions before, and was anticipating great things from the ride, going on what so many other people had said about it. They were right. SO right.

The queue was good, although slightly lacking in theme for some reason until the station entry. The restraints – lap bars on an inverting coaster? Surely not! But yes, Blue Fire does have them, and they are extremely comfortable. Blue Fire is one of the smoothest coasters I’ve ever been on – if not THE smoothest. The launch doesn’t feel as intense as that of Rita, but I find Rita’s launch to be too intense – this could be due to the differing launch systems. I was informed (and feel free to correct me if I’m wrong) that the final inversion – a heartline roll – was apparently a slight error in the design plan. By complete accident, the Macks have created a wonderful final inversion to a truly stunning coaster. It makes you feel like you’re being hugged very tightly, helped even more by the lap restraints. It also helps that it’s very aesthetically pleasing, especially – unsurprisingly – in low-light conditions.

Wodan Timbur Coaster

EP’s newest coaster (when I first went). Queuing for the front row with Astro for my first ride was definitely worth it, but I want to talk about the queue first, and the theming. Never before have I seen such exquisite theming outside a Disney park. The attention to detail was truly astounding (see first photo below), and the projection mapping in the section of queue below the station was very good (see second photo below – apologies for the projection mapping not showing, but that can be blamed on the flash on my camera).

Plus they have queue line toilets – something I’ve never seen before or since. And the air con when you enter the station building was great relief during the hottest part of the day (well, when I say the hottest part of the day, I mean pretty much most of the day). We all queued for the front row, and it was so worth it. The smoothness is like no other woodie I have ever been on before (the last woodie I went on was Magnus Colossus at Terra Mítica near Benidorm, and it made my back hurt an awful lot, no matter how much I tried to stop it from happening). One thing about the station on Wodan is that either side of the main platform, there are several animatronic statues, whose heads move when a train enters the station, and again when the train departs – essentially, they follow the train through the station. Another thing about the station is the fly-through. It creates such a racket, but it’s a very glorious racket, and one I quickly grew to love. The Millennium Flyer trains are pretty comfortable, although not in the same comfort stakes as Blue Fire. I did notice a bit of adverse camber on the turn before the lift hill, but to be honest, I didn’t really care. I was disappointed that the fire wolves at the top weren’t working (they did work later on during the time we were there, but not for very long). Now, the drop. Excellent. The whole coaster is superb, and – dare I say it – slightly mental. The interaction with Blue Fire and Atlantica SuperSplash works (and the bit with ASS adds to ASS). The only gripe I can think of is that the part from the brake run after the ASS interaction to the station is too long, but other than that, I can’t fault it, and it earned its place in my top 10 coasters, as did several other coasters at EP. Oh, and one last thing. The entrance gate is amazing.

Atlantica SuperSplash

Now, to most people, ASS looks like a normal water coaster (it’s EP’s second), and to an extent, it is. But it has a bit of a difference. The boats go backwards for a portion of the ride, going through a little dip at the top of the lift hill, before rotating to face the correct direction and then going down the main drop, which interacts with Wodan, before entering an airtime hill and then hitting the water.

If you’re on the ride, then you won’t get too wet – slightly disappointing from a bit of hot Portuguese ASS. If you’re in the splash zone, however…well, this next bit should explain. On the Friday morning when we went on, it was baking hot by this point, so we all decided to go over ASS’s splash zone after getting off. I was sensible enough in that I took all my valuables out of my pockets and put them in my bag, but I was stupid enough to keep my socks and Converses on. And I was wearing a white T-shirt at the time, too. We got drenched. And trust me, when I say drenched, I was still feeling damp several hours later, despite having been in the scorching sun for a long while.

Swiss Bobsleigh Run (AKA Bored Barnes - The Ride)

The Bobsleigh Run was, in all honesty, one of the biggest disappointments of the trip. I’d never been on a bobsleigh coaster before, and I was rather underwhelmed. I found it to be rough and uncomfortable, although the heat may have had something to do with that, plus the layout was rather uninteresting. Yes, it was Mack's first version of the type, so I’m going to give it a bit of credit, but , it could have been a lot better.

Alpenexpress

Alpenexpress is yet another example of EP’s excellent dispatch times (train rolls into station, restraints go up, guests get out and exit the ride, the air gates open, more guests get in, air gates close, restraints go down, visual checks, and the ride dispatches – all within the space of about 15-20 seconds, I think. It’s just a Mack powered coaster, but with a few major differences to RMT at Towers: it goes through Diamond Mine; it’s got a much better layout; and it hasn’t crashed in a tunnel. Yet. Oh, and it feels much faster than RMT. I’ll go into Diamond Mine later on.

Matterhorn Blitz

As Wild Mouse coasters go, this isn’t exactly one of the best, but it’s still enjoyable in my book, with the best thing about it being the unusual lift hill. Two cars (I think it’s two) go into a box in front of the station, which then goes up and swings out to one side to allow the other box to descend and load another two cars. From there follow drops, twists & turns. Not a bad coaster, but by no means is it EP’s best.

Fjord Rafting

A good Rapids ride, with much better theming than at Towers, although the six-person boats do harm capacity somewhat. They could increase capacity by 50% without too much of an issue by getting an extra three seats into each boat, although buying new eight-person boats and increasing capacity by a third might be better for guest comfort. Now, to get off Fjord Rafting, one does not simply walk out of the exit and onto a path that joins with the rest of the park. One has three options – a boat and two different bridges – all of which add to the experience.

Tirol Wildwasserbahn

Not bad for a log flume with good theming, and Diamond Mine FTW (I’ll get onto Diamond Mine in a bit). Level of wetness was acceptable for normal weather, but unacceptably dry in that heat. 36.5°C pretty much all day, anyone? :P

Whale Adventures

Just your standard Mack Splash Battle, really. A perfectly acceptable ride, but definitely not the best thing at EP. Still, it’s a good way to cool down a bit, which we needed in that heat.

Crazy Taxi

For a rather basic-looking flat ride, this can be mildly intense at some points. Interestingly, there’s an age restriction of three years on this and a height restriction of 95cm. For children of that age, I think it could be a pretty decent ride for them to go on if they were feeling adventurous. TAXI!

London Bus

Probably a better flat ride for the young than Crazy Taxi. A Zamperla Crazy Bus that’s pretty much the same as Crazy Bertie Bus at Drayton Manor and Jungle Bus at Chessie.

Gletscherflieger

I’m not really sure how to describe this one. It’s sort of a cross between a Zamperla Balloon Race and a Twist from RCT. Still, I quite liked it, although it did look a bit dated.

Geisterschloss

Here, we have a Mack Omnimover themed around a haunted crypt. It’s done very well, and the music is great. Plus there’s projection mapping, which is always good.

Piccolo Mondo

I can’t actually remember much about this one, other than it’s in the Italy area, it has good music, and it’s better than Nemesis, according to some.

Silverstone Piste

Where’s Mandy when you need her?

This is the closest thing EP has to go-karts. If any of you have been on Autopia at Disneyland Paris, then this is pretty much the same – petrol-powered cars with a central guide rail around the circuit. OK for a filler ride. It's basically the same thing as a 'Car Ride' on the RollerCoaster Tycoon series of games.

Volo da Vinci

One of EP’s newest rides. It’s basically a suspended version of a pedal helicopter ride, with the cars being designed around Leonardo da Vinci’s sketches for a machine that looked remarkably similar to a helicopter. It’s a very relaxing way of spending a few minutes.

Piraten in Batavia

This one’s similar to Pirates of the Caribbean at Disneyland Paris, but I found it to be rather boring. I just didn’t really find that very much happened, and the effects weren’t all that wonderful.

Arena of Football

Essentially just fairground dodgems (but with no overhead grid, using the more modern floor-based method of getting power to the cars), and with the added fun of an inflatable football. Great fun!

Jungle Rafts

Reminiscent of the old Swan Boats in the lake at Towers, I quite liked these – a nice way to relax for a bit. From a safety point of view, however, it would be very easy to just get up and jump into the lake – there’s nothing surrounding the boats at all.

Small rides in Germany and Italy

There are several smaller rides in Germany and France which are aimed at children, but are OK if you want to do something a bit different. These are the Vintage Cars and Elfenfahrt (Elf Ride) in Germany and Puppet Boat Ride and Old 99 in France. My personal favourite out of them all is Old 99 – mainly because getting four adults into one of the small locomotive cars is a bit of a challenge, but also because the theming’s rather bright and great for children.

Euro-Tower

Just an observation tower, really, but you get a great sense of the size of the park, and it offers lovely views. Plus it has air-conditioning.

Fluch der Kassandra

Cassandra’s Curse, to give the ride its English name, is Mack’s take on the Vekoma Mad House. In terms of ride condition, it’s much better than Hex was when I last rode it. It also has prodders in the seats, which make the ride, erm, interesting. I do think Hex has a better storyline, though, but that could be because the audio on Kassandra was in German.

Abentuer Atlantis

Think Duel, but with guns that actually work properly. Also, the cars can move around thanks to a joystick, so scores can be higher. It’s better than Duel, to be perfectly honest.

Universe of Energy

Another Mack Omnimover, located in the base of the giant golf ball that is EuroSat. Unfortunately, I found it to be quite boring. How on earth dinosaurs and prehistoric creatures are linked to energy is something I don’t understand. Still – it had air conditioning, which was a bonus.

Diamond Mine

Diamond Mine is only a walkthrough attraction that has bits of Alpenexpress and the log flume going through it, but it’s just amazing. There’s a lot to look at in there. And the scent wafting through the place – my goodness, it’s wonderful.

The Queen's Diamonds

This was a little attraction in England that interestingly didn’t appear on the map. It’s basically just a laser maze, where you have to avoid touching the lasers that are projected from various points on the walls. Good fun, although it’s quite short – presumably because to have a longer version would cost more and would mean that less people would get through. And we know that at EP, they love high throughputs.

EP - The shows

Historama

Historama is a rotating theatre located in the base of FoodLoop, which I’ll come onto later. As you queue, there are various models and exhibits covering the history of the park, including a cutaway model of EuroSweat. From what I could tell, Historama was about the history of Europa-Park, although as the audio was in German, it was difficult to tell.

I do have to confess that I did nod off during one showing, but it was so hot and stuffy! The air con did improve things somewhat.

Vogel Show (Carnival in Venice)

Animatronic birds with a storyline that didn’t make sense (audio was, unsurprisingly, in German). That’s all I can say about the Vogel Show, really, other than I enjoyed it. It’d certainly be enough to keep kids entertained for the 10-15 minutes the show runs for.

Waterloo

This was a disappointment. Located in the Globe Theatre in England, this was basically just a string of Abba songs put together with some rather poor links that made no sense at all. The links between songs were done in mime. No words at all. Best avoided.

Ice Show

I do like ice shows, and this one was pretty good. It was about something to do with Roland Mack being IAAPA’s ‘King of Fun’, and a key being stolen that had to be retrieved. I missed half of it as I dozed off thanks to the heat and there being no air con in the ice tent. Two other newbies to Europa (Squiggs and Adam James) ended up getting involved in the pre-show, which was a good laugh. (Adam's pictured below with the warm-up guy.)

4D Cinema- The Secret of Balthasar Castle

As the name suggests, it’s a 4D film. It involves Euromaus (the park’s mascot) and friends trying to find a secret that’s in a castle. The seats move a bit, there are back prodders and leg ticklers, and from what I can remember, you get water sprayed in your face. One thing I did notice upon leaving the cinema was that as I approached the door (along with Badger, Jude, Adam James and Ellie & Josh), we just felt this intense wall of heat. That’s what happens when you’re in an air-conditioned room for too long.

Colosseo Show

Every night in the courtyard of Hotel Colosseo, there’s a fountain show that’s put on, with actors, special effects, fireworks and brilliant projection mapping. It’s a very good show, and one I’d be happy to see again.

EP - The food

There are numerous places to eat and drink across the park and resort, but I’ve chosen my three personal favourites.

Silver Lake Saloon

This was the first port of call for food after arrival. The food here is excellent – my Westernpfanne (pork steak served with bacon, BBQ sauce, herb butter and chips – and yes, before you ask, numerous innuendos were made about the name of this dish) was brilliant, and I’d happily go back for the chips alone! The Bacardi & Coke that I had was pretty strong – I have my suspicions that it may well have had more Bacardi than Coke in it, especially given that the bar staff at EP meticulously measure the amount of alcohol that goes into the drinks. (Note: Previous statement may not be true.)

Food-Loop

For those of you who don’t know, Food Loop is perhaps the most technologically advanced restaurant you’ll ever go to. You go in and are given a swipe card before being shown to your seats, normally in groups of four or five people, with a total of about thirteen people to a table. In front of each group of people is a screen which moves so that people can use it. It’s simple to use. You select your number, choose what you want, confirm it, and then swipe your card on the side of the monitor. It normally arrives within about five minutes along silver metal runners (for some tables, it actually does go through a loop, which is right in the centre of the ground floor of the restaurant), before landing at the bottom.

The trays did get stuck a couple of times, which was a source of mild amusement. Whatever you pick has your number on large plastic tags on the tray thingy, so you should know when your food has arrived. The food wasn’t the best I’ve tasted, but at those prices for theme park food, it was good value for money, and I got what I paid for. Plus there’s the novelty of seeing food whizz around the restaurant. And don’t worry – the dishes are secured to the trays very well, so there’s virtually no chance at all of food going all over the place.

Kaffi-Hús

I’ve chosen to put Kaffi-Hús in as it may be small, but it’s in a very nice setting in Iceland, opposite Blue Fire. It’s a good way to relax for a bit, plus the cheesecake is superb.

EP - The hotels

There are currently five hotels at EP – Santa Isabel, El Andaluz, El Castillo Alcazar, Colosseo and Bell Rock. As I stayed in Bell Rock, the most detailed review will be of that hotel, but I’ll include what I can about the others. There’s also Tipidorf, with chuck wagons, log cabins and tepees available to stay in, as well as pitches for tents, caravans and campervans. Tipidorf’s also where Silver Lake Saloon is situated. There are apparently plans to build a sixth hotel closer to Tipidorf, with it having a lower star rating than the hotels which are currently there.

Hotel Santa Isabel

Santa Isabel is one of Europa’s three ‘4*Superior’ hotels. It’s themed around a Portuguese monastery, and has a slightly unusual feel about it as a result of that. The sinks in the toilets have a rather unusual look about them – they’re just stone troughs, really – but they’re done quite well.

There’s even a small consecrated chapel in the hotel! (There’s also a chapel in the park which is apparently allowed to conduct weddings.) And, of course, there’s the corridor, which looks fantastic – especially when light levels from outside are low. Some of us did go to Santa Isabel one morning for breakfast, and whilst the room was very nice, the food was essentially the same as what we had in Bell Rock.

Hotel El Andaluz

One of the two Spanish-themed hotels on resort, this one is based upon a finca – traditionally, rural land in Spain with some form of housing nearby, but now it refers to a holiday home in a similar setting. I didn’t spend much time around El Andaluz – I only recall walking through the courtyard a couple of times when accessing the park for the After-Park Lounge and the Beach Party (both of which I’ll come onto later) – but I felt it had quite a pleasant atmosphere in the courtyard at night.

Hotel Castillo Alcazar

The second Spanish-themed hotel at the park – this one being constructed in the style of a traditional Spanish castle. From the exterior, it looks absolutely fantastic, and very well-done. (The ride running through the middle of the picture is Atlantica SuperSplash.)

The only place I visited in this hotel was Bar Buena Vista Club at the top of the hotel, which I’ll talk about in due course.

Hotel Colosseo

The second of three ‘4* Superior’ hotels on resort. So many people have said that Colosseo is the best hotel on the resort. Despite not having been in the rooms, from having walked through the corridors and having been in the central courtyard, I can see why. As the name suggests, Colosseo is themed around ancient Roman architecture, complete with the courtyard in the middle and Colosseum-style ruins at one end of the courtyard. The views of the courtyard from the Colosseum itself are pretty good, although you can’t really see the park at all, which is a shame. However, it does look good at night.

The Colosseum’s the focal point for the aforementioned show, and it works brilliantly. When we were there, the courtyard had a small self-operated children’s merry-go-round, which Kieron loved, especially as it had an E-stop button on the control panel. 

The bar on the top floor – rather imaginatively named Bar Colosseo and having a retro Italian-American theme – has great views of the courtyard and the park, although when I went there with Kaycee and Crofty, it was shut. In fairness, it was about half 2 in the morning at that point.

Hotel Bell Rock

The resort’s newest hotel, and the third ‘4* Superior’ one. The other four hotels have European themes, but Bell Rock is slightly different, in that it is influenced by New England, with a focus on the maritime. Perhaps the most prominent feature is the tall lighthouse, which houses the hotel’s high-end suites.

I was lucky enough to stay in a room on the park side of the hotel, and had great views of some of the rides – mainly Silver Star and Blue Fire. The beds were very comfortable and I certainly felt refreshed when waking up in the mornings. Even if I only had about four hours of sleep on the first night. In terms of décor, I was very impressed. The rooms were done to a brilliant standard – I can’t really fault them at all. Breakfast was quite good, with a variety of things to choose from. If you ever do stay in Bell Rock, then I recommend having breakfast outside on the terrace next to the fountains – it’s a brilliant way to start the day. The décor in the restaurants is very good, with it being clear that a lot of effort had gone into it all. The pools are pretty good, if slightly unorthodox in that the main one goes around a boat and is partly in the hotel and partly outside. One thing about the reception area that some of us noticed was that there were people just sitting there knitting. Being paid to knit in a hotel at one of Europe’s most popular theme parks. I do love the attention to detail that’s been paid to the hotel, and the same goes for the whole park and resort. Oh, and one more thing. Waking up to Mack Media on the first morning there was brilliant.

EP - The bars

All of the hotels have bars, but I only really spent time in two of them – the Spirit of St Louis in Bell Rock and Bar Buena Vista in Alcazar.

Spirit of St Louis, Bell Rock

The first evening was spent here after leaving Silver Lake Saloon. Because the weather was so pleasant, we all sat outside drinking, and it was a very good evening. The lighting outside is different, as demonstrated by this photo of Adam James, Vera and Lewis.

Yes, the drinks may have been a bit expensive (€9.90 for a lot of cocktails), but they were excellent – even if the cocktails had more ice in them than I would’ve liked. Inside was done very nicely, with various bits and pieces looking like they were lifted from 1950s America. And attached to the main bar inside was the Havana Lounge – a cigar room, essentially. This was a bit simplistic, but given that it was quite small, they’ve done what they could, and it was good.

Bar Buena Vista Club, Castillo Alcazar

For night-time views of the park and resort, you can’t do better than the balcony on the park side and a side-room on the Colosseo and Bell Rock side.

They’re truly fantastic. The bar itself is decorated well, although that goes without saying, really. I spent most of my time in the side-room on the upper level with several others – said room is nicknamed ‘Roland’s Love Nest’. It’s done in an Arabian-Moorish style, which is reflective of the seven hundred years during which parts of Spain – specifically Andalucía – were occupied by the Moors from northern Africa. There were about 15 of us in there, which was enough, and it was a really nice evening with great people. A lovely way to spend the final night on resort.

Resort Entertainment

I’ve already covered the shows, but this is more specifically related to evening entertainment available when I went back in August.

Silver Lake Saloon

Whilst we were eating on the first evening, there was entertainment on-stage at Silver Lake, which was quite good. It was Vik’s birthday as well, so he got dragged up on stage and embarrassed, much to our amusement. Badger ended up getting persuaded to dance with Vik, which was great fun – especially when the guy who was singing changed some of the words.

After that, Tweedie went on stage, and he revealed to everybody there that we were theme park geeks. And he also managed to get the name of our site mixed up with that of another well-known site, which was slightly embarrassing, and I did feel a bit sorry for him. But we all laughed anyway.

Kaycee ended up on stage being quizzed, and then brought AstroDan up as well for a dance. It was a great evening, with everyone (well, when I say everyone, I mean all of us geeks) singing along to the songs – including ‘Livin’ on a Prayer’ and ‘Proud Mary’ (which we called ‘Roland on a River’) – complete with great company to boot. Oh, and one more thing. No trip to Silver Lake Saloon is ever complete without 'Country Roads' being played.

After-Park Lounge

This was great. Kaffi Hús had been completely transformed from a relaxing place to eat and drink into a bar complete with DJ. Plus, as it was opposite Blue Fire, it made for some excellent photo opportunities (apologies that the quality isn't brilliant).

And during the evening, guess who turned up? Yep. Roland Mack, along with two of his sons, Thomas and Michael (Thomas is the one behind the decks talking to the DJ).

Also, someone from GCI who’d been drafted in to assist with overseeing Wodan was there, along with one Miro Gronau, the Park Operations Director. I’m just going to say this. Miro is a legend. Thomas Mack was telling us that he once got drunk with Miro, and they apparently got someone to get Blue Fire up and running just so they could have a go on it. Accidentally knocking into Jude, spilling her Erdinger and smelling slightly like a brewery for the rest of the evening probably wasn’t my finest moment, but a great evening was had. I’ll just leave you with this photo of Lewis and Adam...

Boat Bar and Beach Party

This was what most of us had been looking forward to, but if I’m honest, it was a bit of a disappointment to me. The actual party/rave thing wasn’t to my tastes, especially when some random strangers were coming around trying to get people to take their tops off. Now, I’m all for having a bit of fun, but I had to draw the line there, and after that had happened, I soon made my way back to the boat bar and then back to the hotels and the Havana Lounge. Now, the boat bar – the Santa Marian – was great fun.

The cocktails were, as always at Europa, fantastic (I recommend the Vasco da Gama, as does Mattmash), and the atmosphere there was so much better than in front of the stage – both in the bar and on the top deck. A few people tried to do a Titanic re-enactment, which was a good laugh. Now there’s another noteworthy thing about the Santa Marian – the bell on the top deck. Somebody (I’m looking at you, Ant) decided that it’d be a good idea to ring the bell as loudly as he could and yell ‘Iceberg dead ahead’ at the top of his voice, which annoyed several other people there, but we all thought it was fun. The boat was probably the best thing about the whole night, with the possible exception of night rides on ASS. That was certainly quite a different experience, and with the addition of flame jets on the backwards section that went off before a boat went along that section, it looked visually stunning. Plus people were allowed to take their drinks on the ride. It’s the little things like this which add to the whole experience.

Other things to note

I’ve mentioned this before, but I’ll say it again. The attention to detail that has gone into Europa is truly astounding. I’ve never seen anything like it outside a Disney park, most notably in the Wodan queue line.

Nice BUSTS!

I mentioned the chapel in Santa Isabel and also the one on park, and there’s a good reason for that. The Mack family are apparently Catholics, which is slightly surprising, given that Germany is traditionally a Protestant country and that it’s where the Reformation happened.

You’ve probably noticed a running theme throughout, and that is the heat. I can’t recall spending that much time outside in temperatures that high for about three years. My goodness, it was unbelievably hot. This was why we made good use of Atlantica SuperSplash’s splash zone one afternoon and made for anywhere with air conditioning when we could, and we probably ended up spending huge amounts of Euros on cold drinks throughout the day.

One thing I forgot to say about Silver Star is that it goes out into the main car park, and people can walk under it while it’s operating. Then again, people can do that with coasters at Towers, but Silver Star allows it on a different scale. I can tell you one thing, though. The lift hill’s high when you’re standing underneath it, although given that the coaster is 73 metres tall, that shouldn’t be too much of a surprise.

If you’re low on money and you want a decent meal, then I suggest going to Pizzeria Apres-Park in Rust. It’s about a 15-20 minute walk from the hotels, and it’s quite good. You can easily have food and a drink for less than €10, and for that price, I was reasonably impressed. Sure, it’s not the best quality food, but you get what you pay for.

If you don’t fancy staying on resort, but don’t want to be too far from the park, then there are plenty of options available in Rust. There are several guest houses available in Rust, and apartments are quite common as well. On the last night, I went back to Elzpark with the four who were staying there and several others who were staying on resort, and it looked pretty decent. Admittedly, we did spend most of the time in the garden, but the temperatures were perfectly fine for that time of night!

For those who were staying in the hotels, there was ERT on selected rides from 8:30am, with the rest of the park opening at 9am. This was great, frankly, as we were on Blue Fire at what was effectively half 7 in the morning (UK time). I couldn’t say no to that!

Obviously, we did go around the park as a large group for quite a bit of the time, but it’s also good to split off into smaller groups if you want to get more rides done, which is what I did with Adam James on one of the days. We did then bump into Jude & Badger and then Ellie & Josh during the day as well, and it was certainly quite nice to do the park with only a few people.

I’ve talked about Euro-Mir’s music that’s played in the queue line and on the lift hill, and it’s brilliant. A couple of people who shall remain nameless (one of them is you, Stephenson) came up with some slightly risqué chants that went along with the music. These are NSFW, so they won’t appear in this review.

One thing that those who had been touring France, Spainand; Italy prior to EP had been doing was ‘fountain credits’. These are defined as somebody standing in a body of water that has a water feature, and a photo has to be taken for it to be considered valid. Some time was spent on doing this – given the weather, I can’t blame those who did it!

Something that seemed to be lacking at EP is a park-wide queue time system – instead, there are stands at the entrance to many rides giving the queue time for each one. It’s good that they’ve got some sort of system in place, but if people are in Spain on one side of the park and they want to know the queue time for Silver Star (which is on the other side of the park), then the only way of knowing is by actually going to the entrance for Silver Star, or by checking the app. This is something that the park could improve on, although given that throughputs at EP are high, queuing’s not normally too much of an issue – I don’t recall queuing for more than an hour for any ride.

An area of the park which isn’t talked about much, yet is quite charming, is the Enchanted Forest. It doesn’t have anything major at the moment (since this post was originally made, Arthur has opened, along with a couple of other associated rides), but one thing it does have is various small exhibits of fairy tales that are well-known in Germany, including that of Frau Holle.

The story’s available here if you wish to read it.

Highlights, lowlights and thanks

As I like to do for meets and mini-meets, I've done a list of highlights and lowlights, as well as thanking various people.

Highlights

• Eurostar and the TGV (yes, I did take Duffy to Europa-Park, and he kidnapped Euromaus)

• Finding Vanilla Coke in Carrefour in Lille after not having had it for years

• Silver Star genuinely rendering me speechless after my first ride
• Lift hill raves on Euro-Mir
• The entertainment in Silver Lake
• Spirit of St Louis on the first night
• The view from the room in Bell Rock on the first morning

• Breakfast on the terrace of Bell Rock, complete with Euromaus in a bellhop outfit (left to right is Duckman (John), Vik and myself

• Mack Media and Bienveniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiido!
• Blue Fire ERT
• Blue Fire's last inversion
• First ride on Wodan being on the front row
• Hot Portuguese ASS soaking
• Food-Loop
• Fountain credits

• The Colosseo Show

• The After-Park Lounge
• WTF *insert name of a senior staff member who works at a tourist attraction in the Staffordshire Moorlands and whose name resembles that of a crustacean here*
• Lewis' reaction to when the Macks turned up at the After-Park Lounge
• Euro-Mir queue lewdness
• Boat bar! Boat bar! Boat bar! (You get the idea)
• Boat ride! Boat ride! Boat ride! (Again, you get the idea)
• "ICEBERG DEAD AHEAD!"
• "Moist ASS!"
• "BALSDON!"
• "One more and you go, OK?"
• Almost getting kicked out of the Havana Lounge (I'm looking at you, Stephenson)
• Wodan's air-conditioning (and any other air con in general, come to think about it)
• "Four star superior hotel, Bell Rock"
• "My Bell Roooooooooooooooock, my oooooooooooooown saaaaaaaaaaaaving graaaaaaaaaaaaaaace" (I'm looking at you, Kieron)
• Spending a considerable proportion of one day in a smaller group - much less faff and easier to go around the park
• The views from Bar Buena Vista Club
• Roland's Love Nest in Bar Buena Vista Club
• Arm-wrestling in Roland's Love Nest (Stephenson, Sammie, Kaycee and Joelio)

• Going to Elzpark and not returning to Bell Rock until 4 in the morning
• Miro FTW
• "Oh, s***, we've gone backstage. Run!" (For clarity, myself, Rowe, Kieron and Squiggs were making our way back to the hotels on the first night after finishing at Silver Lake. We planned on catching the monorail to the hotels, and saw a door open to the side of the station, so we went through it. It then transpired that we’d accidentally gone backstage, so we left pretty quickly afterwards.)
• Standing under Silver Star's lift hill
• The attention to detail on pretty much everything
• Mezzo Mix. It's basically just Coke and Fanta mixed together, but it's AMAZING!
• Being informed about Blue Fire re-enactments, Buckaloo and Kieron randomly shouting "ROGER MOORE" in the middle of the night for no apparent reason (videos are courtesy of Crofty)
• The cocktails
• Spending the Sunday with Adam
• Having a fantastic holiday with some amazing people

Lowlights

• Kings Cross Royal Scot Travelodge, which I stayed in with Crofty the night before leaving London. Avoid it if at all possible - it's dire
• Not getting one last go on Silver Star before leaving
• Leaving the park
• EuroSweat/EuroSweatBox/EuroSauna
• Not finding Roland's African Lounge in Bell Rock (there’s a hidden bar somewhere in the basement of Bell Rock)
• The Beach Party being disappointing
• The intense heat

Thanks

• Crofty for sorting out the Travelodge for the night before, as well as the Eurostar and TGV tickets
• Vik for booking the room at Bell Rock
• Vik, Astro, Duckman, Crofty and Tweedie for being great roommates in Bell Rock
• Jude and Badger for helping me find my room on the first night - for some reason, the standard rooms on the top floor of Bell Rock weren't signed in the main lobby
• Jude for helping me get the photo I wanted from Poseidon (language barrier)
• The Macks for creating a truly wonderful place
• Diogo and Hils for letting me stay at theirs for the night before I returned to Cornwall the following day
• Everyone who went for making it a fantastic holiday with so many memories that I'll remember for years to come. It was, in all honesty, the best holiday I've been on in years.

Final words

You’ve probably gathered by now that Europa-Park is a brilliant place to spend a few days. And I didn’t even manage to get around to doing everything! I’d very happily go back there again and again, but preferably when it’s not as hot. Admittedly, I did know it was going to be hot, but I didn’t expect those temperatures for pretty much the whole day! It really does put Alton Towers to shame. I know that this has ended up being very long, but to truly experience it, you need to go. If you haven’t been, then go. If you’ve been before, then go again. I’ll certainly be going back!